we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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