I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
