About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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