There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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