i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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