Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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