yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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