I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
