Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We were destined to go to rehab together
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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