why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
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I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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