did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
