Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
