he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
