some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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