the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
being pregnant is like rehab
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
