There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
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We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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