Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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