i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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