so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
