i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
