yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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