I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
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Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't tell me you're on acid again
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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