Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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