you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
