he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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