her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
