you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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