I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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