i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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