You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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