My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
