my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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