Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
