i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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