A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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