12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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