i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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