It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
