we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
