i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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