I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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