Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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