are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
