I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
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You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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