how hairy? two words: wookie tits
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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