Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
