You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
