I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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