We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
