i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's just like the Real World with babies
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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