What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
