Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
