She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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