New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
