He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
