i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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