I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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