I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He did a backflip because drugs
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
