The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
