She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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