I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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