hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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