i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
